Failed

Yesterday was HORRIBLE! I failed as a mother. I had no patience whatsoever, everything irritated me, my kids were getting on my nerves because they fight every day, and I wasn't havin any of it! I went off on my kids, fasi'd them harder then I usually do, yelled at them etc; I hated myself after doing that. So I literally locked myself in my room and cried! It wasn't their fault. It was mine. After a good 10 minutes to myself, I apologized to Dre and Zee. I held them for the longest time. They were just being kids...they play, they fight and they mess up their room everyday. Sometimes one will get hurt, like zee yesterday, he got his hand stuck in the back of the door and Drey kept closing it on him. But that's life! My kids are never gonna be perfect...no kid will. Before bed, I prayed to HF fm to give me more patience. To forgive me for my actions yesterday. I really felt guilty about it all. 

One thing that has been a big distraction is FACEBOOK! So I deactivated it at least until I can have some self control. I'm addicted to it and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I would spend hours on it from when I wake up to when I go back to sleep and it made me forget sometimes that I need to be better at doing more productive things. Taking my kids for a walk, reading to them, playing with them more. So it's goodbye to FB now. I sincerely asked god to help me with this problem of mine. It's much easier said than done. 

Been having a lot of thoughts about going back to college and trying out for volleyball or even basketball! Ughh! Wishful thinking! I even planned everything in my head as to who will watch my kids, how I'm gonna manage school, sports and being a mother/wife haha ok! I act like I already made the team lol I miss it! Even if its just for one season. I just miss playing! My athletic level is probably waaay below than the girls that are now playing these days but I guess it was fun to think about it. "23 yr old mom...2 kids...she's a beast on the court" Bahaha jk then reality hits me and I'm way past my playing years! Maybe just a little!  I have a crappy knee and this extra skin slows me down lol Dang  it! Guess I'll stick to outside leagues :) Happy Friday!!!