You know what I really hate? When people have the nerve to tell other people that they are FAT. How rude! I honestly don't get it? Didn't your mom teach you how to have some respect? I've come across some of those before and I've always responded with a joke or pretended like it didn't phase me. But it did. I could never not care of what people think when it came to this situation. As much as I tried, it would hurt me and the only person who knew about my low self esteem problem was my husband. When I first moved to Washington, one of his cousins would always make Fat remarks about me. She'd say things like "your getting Fat Tilly" or "Before I met you, I thought you'd be skinny" things like that and when I'm behind closed doors, I would cry to my husband! He would always get mad and immediately wanted to call his cousin, but I wouldn't let him. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, because it really wasn't a big deal! It's just ME letting things like that get to me.

I was around 225 lbs at the time. For some, they'd say that's not fat. but inside my head was another story. I was always hard on myself. I hated the way I looked, I hated that I couldn't fit into certain clothes, Something that I loved...turned into something that I dread doing- Shopping! I couldn't find anything to wear that I felt comfortable in. I hated that I was bigger than my husband. My self esteem was at it's lowest point and when people would make fat comments it didn't make anything easier so I would just cry. I blame no one but myself. My husband was always there comforting me, telling me that I am beautiful no matter what the number on the scale says. He would always refer to the song "Don't Change" by Musiq  Souldchild and that always made me feel 10x better. I love him so much for that! For just being there.

I am happy to say that I am not that girl anymore! In less than 5 months, I have more confidence in myself, I feel amazing, and it feels good not to hide behind my kids when taking pictures, or worrying about what I look like. I'm not the skinny girl that I was in high school, I still got my curves lol but again, I just feel AMAZING! I couldn't be any more happy knowing that I did this all on my own. I was tired of feeling the way I did, and I fixed it. Seeing that number on the scale go down was the best feeling ever. It pushes you to keep going! 

My husband and my kids have been my biggest supporters. When I would do insanity, my boys would sometimes do it with me. I believe that if I set goals to live a healthy life, my kids will do the same! Of course, there are gonna be days where I want to give up (like this past week) but I'm not going to let that one slip up stop me. I've come to far to stop.

New Me.

Happy Life.

Feeling Good!

I hope I can inspire someone out there. Anyone. Being overweight is not easy, emotionally and physically. But hang in there! Don't let people like the ones mentioned about bring you down, instead use it as your motivation...to prove them wrong. Change for the better. Don't do it for anyone but YOURSELF. 

I'm sooo Grateful for the support I get from my friends and family. You all are amazing!

Progress Pictures:

Getting my Insanity Workout on! Finished week 2. My 3rd week was a Fail so I am going to start all over on Monday. I know I can do better and take less breaks so here we go!! 

GOALS:

CW: 192

GW: 145

This is how I'm feeling right now. Time won't ever heal this heart of mine. I miss my Dad so much. I think it's now just hitting me that he's really gone. I've been in denial for so long, It was easy for me to think that he's just a phone call away. My kids are a daily reminder of him. When Drey says prayer, he says, "HF please bless my Papa so he can come back to us." I cry everytime. I wish he could!

Missing him soooo badly! 

Tonight I only wish to dream of him.

I love you Dad